"Me English be badly!" - Hilfe beim Übersetzen: Deutsch/Englisch

[sc00ty]

Hi Leute,

Ich muss gerade eine GFS (Jahresreferat) für Englisch vorbereiten und habe den Text schon auf deutsch als Konzept verfasst. Mein Problem ist gerade vor allem, die Satzstrukturen sinngemäß zu übersetzen. Meine GFS hat das Buch "Fahrenheit 451" von Ray Bradbury zum Thema. Ich habe hier meinen Text mal übersetzt und würde gerne Anregungen und Verbesserungsvorschläge von euch hören.
- - - - - - - - -
Wörter/Sätze, bei denen ich mir nicht sicher bin, habe ich mal kursiv geschrieben. Unten drunter stehen noch ein paar Vokabeln, sollten einige Wörter unklar sein.

RAY BRADBURY

Ray Bradbury was born on the 22th August 1920 in Waukegan, Illinois. His mother was originally born in Sweden, his father – an American – worked for a newspaper as a printer. In 1934, the family moved to Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles, Ray visited the High School where he warmed* to the library. He was very interested in the comics of the first action heroes, such as Flash Gordon.

In school, he noticed his gift in writing, so he started printing articles for the school’s newspaper. In 1939, he graduated* from Los Angeles High School.

In 1947, he married Maguerite McClure and get two children. A few years later, he started writing the “The Martian Chronicles” in which he defined the colonization of the Red Planet and the cultural problems, caused by the first contact with alien.

In 1953, he was complimented* by the press on his book “Fahrenheit 451” in which he described a world in the near future where books are forbidden get burned by the fire department. It was his most famous book and was also picturized* by François Truffaut, a French director.

Later on, he produced many movies and TV series until 2002, when he get his star on the “Walk of Fame” in Hollywood, California. For more than ten years, he didn’t work on any books, movies or TV series. Nowadays, Ray Bradbury lives – retired – in Los Angeles.

-------------

to warm to sth. - sich für etwas begeistern
to graduate - Abschluss machen
to be complimented on sth. - für etwas gelobt werden
to picturize - verfilmen

@Mods
Ich hoffe, ich werde nicht als "Hausausgaben-Thread" eingestuft und gelöscht, da ich wirklich etwas gemacht habe und nicht nur nach Antworten bettele, um meine Faulheit zu füttern

 

[Wayneoween]

Ich würde statt

his gift in writing

talent bevorzugen.
---------------------------------
Das

in which

würde ich nur einmal schreiben.
---------------------------------

For more than ten years, he didn’t work on any books, movies or TV series.

Würde ich umdrehen, sodass es hieße:

He hasn't been working on any books movies or TV series for more than ten years.

Einmal lesen bitte:
present perfect progressive


Ansonsten: Netter Text, liest sich flüssig, finde ich gut
Grüße

 

[Aral]

First of all it's not correct that his father worked as a printer. According to

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Bradbury

his paternal grandfather was a printer.

Maybe you wanna give an impression where all those cities states are located. Maybe let people know where Illinois is. (Great lakes, North USA, name Chicago).
Then let people know that LA is on the West coast. It doesn't come without saying that people in your grad know that. Bring in more metaphors which will let your classmates picture (vorstellen) his live an situation.
How big is Waukegan? Is it a little typical american town?


"...his mother was originally born in Sweden...". Not quite right. Either "his mother was originally from Sweden" or "His mother was originally swedish" or "His swedish mother..."

- "In LA, Ray ATTENDED the High School..."
- Don't use "... he warmed to the library." It's not commonly used at all. Actually I've never heard this in the 2 years I've been living here in the US. Instead consider:
"... where he enjoyed educating himself at the library".
- You have wayyyyy to many commas in your text. It's English not German.
- Sounds better: "In school, he notices he was gifted in writing".
- "He stared printing newspaper"??? Did he print the articles or write them?
- "In 1947, he married ... and HAD two children".
- "... where books are forbidden get burned by the fire department." What do you want to say? Forbidden books get burned by the fire department or books are forbidden in general and get burned by the FD?

- "when he GOT his star..."
- Today, Ray is retired and live in LA.


Don't forget to note your sources at the end of your talk. You got a lot of information from wikipedia. State that!!!

EDIT:
Agree with the use of "present perfect progressive"

Also: Instead of "in 19xx" which isn't very expressive say "at the age of xx" sometimes.

 

[sc00ty]

Ich bin mir jetzt nicht ganz sicher, ob ich hier auf deutsch oder englisch antworten soll...?

@Aral

I got my informations from Wiki and a dictionary (which is a little bit to old, maybe).

I think it's not that important how many people are living in Waukegan. I have to present my book report in front of two teachers and not in front of a whole class. I'm also not allowed to show pictures

@Wayneoween

Was könnte ich statt "in which" schreiben? Dreist aus dem Schwäbischen würde ich "where" sagen, aber da krieg ich auf den Deckel

---> präsentiere gleich mal die abgeänderte Version...

 

[HellbillyDeluxe]

Abkürzungen wie "didn't" sind informal und sollten in formellen Texten nicht verwendet werden (schlechter Stil). Schreib das Wort einfach aus, also "did not".


Bzgl. der in which-Problematik: Mach es doch einfach so:

A few years later, he started writing the “The Martian Chronicles”.
In this book, he defined the colonization of the Red Planet and the cultural problems, caused by the first contact with aliens.

Alternativ geht auch das hier:

In 1947, he married Maguerite McClure and get two children. A few years later, he started writing the “The Martian Chronicles” wherein he defined the colonization of the Red Planet and the cultural problems, caused by the first contact with aliens.


Handelt es sich um mehrere Außerirdische? Falls ja, dann musst du "aliens" (oder noch besser: "an alien race") schreiben. Fall es nur um einen Außerirdischen geht, dann "an alien".

 

[sc00ty]

RAY BRADBURY

Ray Bradbury was born on the 22th August 1920 in a small city near Chicago called Waukegan. His mother was originally from Sweden, his father an American. When he was 14 the family moved to Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles Ray attended High School where he enjoyed educating himself in the school’s library. He was very interested in the comics of the first action heroes, such as Flash Gordon.

In school he noticed he was gifted in writing, so he started writing for newspapers. In 1939 he graduated from Los Angeles High School.

At the age of 27 he married Maguerite McClure and they had two children. A few years later he started writing the “The Martian Chronicles” in which he defined the colonization of the Red Planet and the cultural problems caused by the first contact with alien.

In 1953 he was complimented by the press on his book “Fahrenheit 451”. This novel is about a world in the near future where books are forbidden and get burned by the fire department. It was his most famous book and was also picturized by François Truffaut, a French director.

Later on he produced many movies and TV series until 2002 when he got his star on the “Walk of Fame” in Hollywood, California. He hasn't been working on any books, movies or TV series for more than ten years. Today, Ray Bradbury is retired and lives in Los Angeles.

Soooo... falls daran noch was zu verbessern ist, bitte melden! Ich glaube, ich habe alles umgesetzt, was angemerkt wurde. Werde jetzt erst einmal das Buch zu Ende lesen... mir fehlen immer noch ein paar Seiten, dann gehts an die Inhaltsangabe

PS. Im Deutschen würde ich jetzt alles im Präsens. Wäre das hier falsch?

/edit
@HellbillyDeluxe
Habe den Inhalt auch nur überflogen. Handelt sich um die Marsianer als ganzes Volk. Ich denke, "aliens" passt hier rein.
Wegen dem "didn't": Es ist ja kein formeller Text, sondern ein einfacher Vortrag... auf sowas wird da nicht geachtet, aber danke

 

[Aral]

Oder: A few years later he started on his book "the Martian Chronicles" which is about the colonization of the Mars and the cultural problems caused by the first contact with aliens. (Note: Martian == Marsmensch). d.h. du willst evtl. Martian schreiben anstatt alien.

Total uebersehen:
"22th August 1920" either "22th of August" or "august 22th". The latter one a lil more informal.

Ausserdem:
"...attended high school" ohne THE.
"...where HE enjoyed"
"he started writing for newspapers"
"...THEY had two children together." Nur er kann keine Kinder haben.

UND NOCHMAL: 70% aller kommas rausschmeissen!

Don't use nowadays. Use "Today..."

 

[sc00ty]

Marsmenschen entsprechen Außerirdischen, soweit ich weiß, also sollte "aliens" passen.

/edit:

"Ray Bradbury was born on the 22th August 1920"

Wie sieht es mit dem on aus? Klingt irgendwie falsch Ôo

 

[Rumpelwicht]

Das stimmt schon mit dem born on.

 

[John Doe]

- es heißt 22nd - "... born on August 22nd, 1920"
- wenn du über den Inhalt von seinen Büchern redest, solltest du simple present verwenden und nicht simple past
- du solltest "extraterrestrials" oder "alien race" statt nur "aliens" verwenden - illegale Einwanderer werden z.B. auch als Aliens bezeichnet
- du benutzt zu häufig und oft unpassend den Artikel "the"

 

[sc00ty]

Sooo... danke euch allen für die Hilfe! Habe den Lebenslauf soweit fertig und mache jetzt mit dem Inhalt weiter.

Ich würde den Inhalt im simple present schreiben, also einfach, wie im Deutschen. Sobald ich ein wenig zusammen habe, stelle ich es online.

PS. Klingt vielleicht dumm, aber wie spricht man "22nd" aus? twenty-second? An sich sagt man ja auch twenty-first...?

/edit: here we go...

Now, I would like to talk about the content of the novel.

It takes places in a near future in the USA and the world has totally changed. The country stands at the edge of an atomic war. But the society is not really interested in such problems because their attention is drawn by the media.

Everywhere you go you see commercials and stupefying TV shows. The houses look all the same, everybody is watching the same shows on TV. There are screens all over the state; on public places, in public transportations and even in private households. People are getting brainwashed by the media not think about important issues. And it works.

There is no individualism, no privacy and there are no books. The system works as long as the people are not able to think independently. So state’s biggest threat are books which make people think about how they live.

To avoid such trouble, the government founded “Fahrenheit 451”, the so called fire department. But instead of putting fires out, they burn households which hide books. They also have to arrest these persons or make them disappear.

Ray Bradbury’s main character Guy Montag is such a fireman. He is thirty years old and his wife is called Mildred. He doesn’t really think about his life and goes to work day by day.

But his life changes when the McCellans, the new neighbors, are moving in. The 17-years old Clarisse McCellan is really interested in Montag and talks about things he had never thought about. For example whether he is really happy, whether he is really in love with his wife or why he became fireman.

Montag is impressed and confused by the young girl and wants to talk about her with his wife, who tried to commit suicide by overdosing herself. She isn’t interested in Clarisse and doesn’t want to talk with him. Montag realizes he’s unhappy and that Clarisse may is right.

During the next few days they talk a lot and Montag starts to understand her way of thinking. She is passionate about nature, a free thinker untouched by the media’s brain wash. One day, Montag looks forward to another talk with Clarisse, but she never showed up again. Montag’s wife says she has heard that Clarisse would be dead. He is totally confused and can’t stop what Clarisse started in his head: criticism.

So, das ist erstmal der Anfang. Vor allem der letzte Satz scheint mir schwierig (inhaltlich gesehen). Vielleicht kann mir jmd bei der Formulierung helfen, der auch das Buch gelesen hat...?

 

[Aral]

Dir ist bewusst dass auch das CB Forum in google indiziert wird oder? Eine suche z.B. nach

"Ray Bradbury was born on the 22th August 1920 in Waukegan, Illinois. His mother was originally born in Sweden"

landet genau hier drauf. Weis nicht wie viel dein Lehrer mit dem Internet kann aber wenn du dein Text zu gut machst und keine Fehler mehr drin sind dann wird der vielleicht Mistrauisch?!?

Nur so...

 

[sc00ty]

Bei einer schriftlichen GFS würde mich das auch kümmern, der Unterschied ist, dass ich diese komplett frei vorstellen muss und mein Wortlaut sicherlich nicht 1:1 wiedergegeben wird. Und selbst, wenn mein Lehrer das nachprüfen würde, könnte ich immer noch aufklären, dass ich hinter dem Thread-Ersteller stecke Es ist ja z.B. auch nicht verboten, Eltern und Geschwister um Hilfe zu bitten

 

[fireblade_xx]

Eine Frage: GFS das war bei mir glaube ich 8. Klasse Realschule. Bei dir auch? Würde mich mal interessieren bevor wir dir hier ausgeklügelte Satzstrukturen vorbeten


edit: Sehe gerade du bist schon 18 also kannst du das vergessen Ich schaus morgen nochmal durch...

 

[sc00ty]

Wollte mich nur noch ein letztes Mal zu Wort melden. Lief klasse, 13 NP! Danke an Alle Der Thread kann ja zur allgemeinen Englisch-Probs benutzt werden... so long!

 

[LightFlash]

Na dan...

Kennt jemand eine sehr gute Internetseite für allgemeine Grammatik in Egnlisch?
Also da sollte wenn möglich alles übersichtlich und richtig stehen, und die gesamte Englischgrammatik beinhalten... z.B. Gerundium, Aktiv/ Passiv, Simple Progressive,..... und alles andere...

 

[sc00ty]

Ich kenn da einen google

-> http://www.ego4u.de/de/cram-up/grammar/tenses